Bereaved Mothers Day

Mothers Day is a celebration of the bond between a woman and her child, recognition of the role a Mum plays in her child’s life. But for so many women, this day feels like a heavy weight, something that will bring us pain, but is unavoidable. Women who have been faced with infertility struggles, pregnancy and infant loss often feel that Mothers Day is a painful reminder of what could have been.

Did you know that bereaved Mums have a separate Mothers Day?

Bereaved Mothers Day was started in 2010 and is held on the Sunday before traditional Mothers Day. Bereaved Mothers Day is a day to acknowledge, recognise and honour women who have lost their child through pregnancy or infant loss and those who are faced with infertility. It honours the women who long to be a Mum, and reminds those who have experienced loss that with or without your child, you are still a Mum.

What can you do for the bereaved Mum on Mothers Day?

• Recognise her as a Mum
  It can be hard to recognise yourself as a Mum without a child in your arms. It is easy for people to assume that because you don’t have a child in your arms, you are not a parent. Honouring her on Mothers Day is a symbol of how you see her. It shows her that you identify her as a Mum and that she deserves to be recognised on this day.

• Acknowledge her child
  Say her child’s name or talk about the memories she has of her child. Ask her questions about them if she feels comfortable sharing. More often than not, people want to talk about the child they have lost as it helps keep their memory alive.

• Write her a handwritten note or card
  What better way to tell a Mum you are thinking of her, than dropping off a card or handwritten note. It doesn’t have to be fancy or say all the right things. A simple “I’m thinking of you today” will be so appreciated and is so meaningful. These are beautiful sentiments to look back on.

• Send a message or call
  It can be as simple as sending a heart emoji to let her know you are thinking of her. You don’t have to have the right words to make a difference.

• Drop off a gift or some flowers
  If you feel like a card or a message isn’t quite enough, drop off a small gift or some flowers. Don’t turn up with expectations of staying, just let her know you’re there when she is ready.

• Take her out or bring her food
  Some mothers like to keep busy and take their minds off the day. Others would prefer to stay home and be alone. Either way, offer to drop off some food or coffee or take her out for a meal to help her through the day. Having someone with her may be just what she needs. But if she isn’t up to the visit, not having to cook my also be welcomed.

• Make a donation in her child’s name
  Ask her if she has a charity in mind that she would like you to donate to or that helped her through this time. This is a beautiful way of keeping her child’s memory alive and showing your support.
  

Whether you choose to celebrate or acknowledge bereaved Mums on traditional Mothers Day, or the week before on Bereaved Mothers Day, just knowing someone is thinking of them can make a huge difference. You can help make their day a little easier.

The three things a bereaved parent needs but will never ask of you:

• Acknowledgement that their baby lived

• Recognition that they are still a parent

• To feel supported
  

For the Mums who could do with some extra support this year, or for those looking for more ways they can help someone close to them, there is support available. You are not alone.

Wishing all the Mums wishing for babies, missing their angel babies and loving their Earth-side babies, a gentle Mothers Day.

So much love,

Jess xx