Navigating Mothers Day as Bereaved Parent

The beginning of May reminds us that Mothers Day is just around the corner. But for a lot of people, Mothers Day brings feelings of anxiety and sadness. For the woman that has lost a child, or the woman who struggles with infertility, Mothers Day is a sad reminder of what could have been.

How do I navigate Mothers Day as a bereaved parent?

• Think about how you want to spend the day.
  It’s OK to want to go out and keep busy, it’s OK to celebrate with family and friends, but it’s also OK to spend the day in bed, or use the day to reflect and look back at the memories you have of your child. If you are spending the day with people, or keeping yourself busy, it is important to think about how you are going to look after yourself. Whether that looks like some time alone in a bath, or catching up with someone you want to talk to make sure you take some time caring for you.

• Know that it’s OK to change your mind.
  If you had plans, it’s OK to cancel them and just stay home. If you planned to stay home, but you really need to get out of the house, that’s OK too. Only you can decide what is best for you.

• Reach out to other Mums
  Send another bereaved Mum a message to let her know you’re thinking of her. You aren’t alone on this journey.

• Journal
  If it helps you to get things off your chest, but you aren’t up to talking to someone, try journaling about your day. It can help you prepare for next Mothers Day by allowing you to reflect on what you found most difficult this year, or it can allow you to take note of what you feel most grateful for. You could even write a letter to your child, or to your future self. This is a great mindfulness task, clearing your mind and allowing you to focus on your wellbeing.

• Know your support team
  Think about who you want around you on the day. Do you prefer just to be alone with your partner, Mum, or friend? Or would you rather be surrounded by people? Let them know what you plan to do on the day and how they can help support you.

• Do something in your child’s honour
  Most big events, although difficult for the parents, can be a great time to honour the child by making a donation in their name. It keeps their memory alive and allows you the opportunity to say their name. It can also help to know you have done something to help other families in their times of need.

How else can I remember my child on Mothers Day?

• Some charities release certificates and memorial items over Mothers Day. For example SANDS Australia have released Mothers Day 2021 remembrance tiles

• Buy something to remember your child by, such as a windchime, a suncatcher, some jewellery or an image that represents your family.

• Plant a tree or build a garden in their honour.

• Create a memory box filled with your child’s things, such as photos, ultrasound and blankets or make a scrapbook to look back on.

• Do absolutely nothing. There is nothing wrong with just taking time for yourself. Some years are harder than others and is more than OK to not do a thing.

For the Mums who could do with some extra support this year, or for those looking for more ways they can help someone close to them, there is support available. You are not alone.

Wishing all the Mums wishing for babies, missing their angel babies and loving their Earth-side babies, a gentle Mothers Day.

So much love,

Jess xx