Why we need to prioritise self care.
The Black Dog Institute defines self care as “the activities and practices that we deliberately choose to engage in on a regular basis to maintain and enhance our health and wellbeing.”
I really like this definition for a number of reasons. Let’s dig deeper and understand this a little more:
Activities and practices - Self care is not always easy. It is something we work at and constantly develop over time; practicing, learning and evolving our methods to suit what is going on around us and the areas we feel we need to focus on.
Deliberately choose - Self care is a choice. We are choosing to look after ourselves. You need to look after yourself before you can look after other people. I will talk further on about some of the excuses we make to avoid self care (yep, I’ve made them too!) and how we can overcome this.
On a regular basis - Self care is something that should occur regularly, not just every now and again. It should become a part of your lifestyle and be something you are constantly trying to prioritise.
Enhance our health and wellbeing - Self care isn’t just for the people who are stressed or burnt-out, nor is it just for people who are healthy, fit and motivated. It is something everyone can benefit from, no matter what stage of your life, and will improve your health and wellbeing in a variety of areas including, physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, socially and even financially.
I’m not the picture of self care… far from it, so this is as much for me as it is for you. I generally look after everyone but myself. I never say ‘no’ and always offer to help without expecting anything in return. I have never spent a night away from my kids and I am always striving to do more, learn more, be more. But the thing is, when it comes to taking care of myself, I struggle.
I find it hard to accept help. I often take too much on and end up burning out (says the Mum of two who works 2 days a week and decided to start a business). I lack motivation to look after myself in the most basic of ways and I have plenty of excuses. I don’t wash my hair as often as I should, I rarely even do my hair, I have every desire to workout but no motivation to actually do it and I am usually up late at night working, watching TV or scrolling on social media. Just reading that back makes me anxious.
The thing is, self care should be a work in progress. It takes time to work up to making yourself a priority, for it to become a part of your identity and for the habit of self care to set in. Even then, we are growing every day, learning new things about ourselves and what we like or what is best for us in that moment. So your ideas of self care will change as you progress through different stages in life. Self care should be a preventative measure. We shouldn’t just wait until we feel run down and stressed out to develop a self care routine, the routine should be there to support us through times that we feel run down and stressed.
What happens when we don’t prioritise self care?
Some of the common things you may experience if you don’t practice self care, include:
Overwhelm
Burnout
Feeling ‘touched out’
Anxiety and stress
Fatigue
Difficulty acknowledging how you feel
Feeling easily emotional
Emotional eating or a loss of appetite
No desire for day to day activities
Avoidance of other priorities
Withdrawing from friends and family
Increase in negative habits such as drinking or smoking.
No motivation or poor performance at work
How do you know it’s time for a self care routine?
Picture this… the house is trashed, you don’t remember the last time you did a load of washing, you’re still in that shirt you wore to bed two nights ago, your hair hasn’t been washed in over a week and your teeth feel furry. The dog hasn’t been walked in days, breakfast was a cup of juice at the most and you’ve woken up feeling like 10 cups of coffee is most definitely not enough to get you through the day. Sound familiar?
I know, me too. It’s OK. It just means it’s time to re-evaluate and start putting yourself first.
The answer is.. it’s time right now. Time to make self care a priority before it gets to the point of overwhelm.
Why practice self care?
Self care can:
Boost your physical health
Improve your mental health
Allow you to care for people better
Allow you to become better equipped at dealing with stressful situations
Allow you to focus and become more productive
Give you time alone to fill your cup
Give you time to learn who you are, what you enjoy and how to meet your needs
Self care is especially important while you are grieving. Putting a self care routine in place can:
Allow you to bounce back quicker from stressful situations, trauma and burnout
Allow you to connect better with others
Help you understand and communicate your needs to those around you
Allow you to hold space for your grief
Help you regulate your emotions
Help maintain physical and emotional wellness to retain strength and resilience
But…
I don’t have time - try scheduling some time that you won’t be interrupted and start small so that it feels achievable. You could try 10 minutes every Tuesday night or 30 minutes every Sunday morning. Write the time on your calendar, set an alarm, hold yourself accountable and do what you can to take a small amount of time to yourself. By maintaining this pattern and leaving space for yourself to just be, you are creating a habit, one that you can build on gradually when you feel you’re ready. In a weeks time you might look at increasing it to two nights a week and gradually step it up from there until you have a self care routine that works for you.
I don’t have the energy - Then take a nap, or use your time to rest and recoup. There are no set rules on what you HAVE to do to look after yourself. It is about finding something that feels good and calms your mind. Below are some different self care options that may help you work on your routine.
I feel guilty/anxious - I get this, because I feel anxiety and guilt in the lead up to taking time for myself. I often feel like I don’t need it or I have too much to do, the kids need me or the house needs to be cleaned. But taking that time out to refresh, really allows you to come back feeling focused, ready and motivated to be more present and to take on those tasks and be a better version of you.
What does self care look like?
Self care isn’t just having a skincare routine, doing yoga or taking the time to do your hair. It can be simple, small things that bring your mind and body peace. Some self care ideas include:
Going for a walk alone
Turning up the music and having a dance or sing along
Taking the time to prepare and eat a nourishing meal
Journaling and getting things off your mind
Looking at photos and having an ugly cry
Catching up with friends
Cleaning the house
Reading
Doing something creative such as writing or drawing
Meditating or breathwork
Learning, researching or studying something for your own personal development
Eating a giant ice-cream
Or it could be the opposite of everything here. Self care could be turning down the music, taking a moment to refresh, closing your eyes and curling up under the blankets. There is no right thing to do. As long as it brings you peace.
How can I help someone prioritise self care?
Some ways you can help a friend, partner or family member to ensure they are looking after themselves include:
Giving them permission - sometimes our guilt can play on our minds so much that we physically need someone to say “just go and take a bath, I’ll be here when you get back.”
Taking the kids for a couple of hours
Helping them plan some time out
Helping them work out what they would like to try, and build a self care plan
Encouraging them to do something with you, such as going for a walk
Explore what their triggers are and how they can work on them
Most importantly - Support them
I highly recommend sitting down and thinking about some of these things for yourself. What are your triggers, how do they make you feel, what can you do in those moments and how can you implement a self care routine that you can easily maintain and build on. It’s about setting foundations. It’s learning who you are and what you enjoy. And this is ever changing.
The Black Dog Institute recommends finding something that SETTLES the mind:
S - Stay focused on the present moment and avoid looking too far into the future. One day at a time.
E - Engage and stay connected to friends, family and other support networks.
T - Thoughts aren’t facts. Don’t allow negative thoughts to gain traction or have power.
T - Treat people kindly and support others around you.
L - Limit information and unhelpful media, such as the news.
E - Exercise will improve your wellbeing by looking after your physical health, promotes a clear and focused mind and allows you to achieve a more restful sleep
S - Seek help. Talk to others around you, reach out to your GP, or check out our support page.
I am not great at self care. It’s something I really want to work on. With all of this information about the many ways I can look after myself and the benefits self care brings, I want to put this into practice and work on my own self care regime. So, I challenge you. Do you want to create your own self care regime? Do you need someone to hold you accountable? Will you help keep me accountable? Let’s work on this together.
The Brave Space has just launched the Committed Self-Care Project which I have signed up to be a part of. The project runs for two weeks and is a commitment of just 15 minutes, three times a week. It was designed to set up the foundations for sustainable life-giving self-care. It kicks off on Monday 12th July and I hope you can join me and start putting yourself first. You deserve this.
Let’s make it more common to prioritise self care in a society that promotes selflessness. Because in the end, being selfless starts with being selfish. If you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after those around you? Reach out at madetobloomau@gmail.com or via Facebook or Instagram and let’s help one another grow. We’re in this together.
I want to leave you with this food for thought:
“Our rest breaks are more productive when we don’t spend them guilting ourselves for not getting something done” - Dr Jenn Hardy
So much love,
Jess xx